Our Lives Forever Changed

I don't know if I've ever written about that day specifically, because at the time, I couldn't talk or write about it.  I was too devastated.  I don't feel devastated anymore, so here we go.

I remember that day four years ago like it was yesterday.  I know what I was wearing, what I was thinking..everything.  I was so excited to see my little baby on the ultrasound.  Scott and the boys came with me, they were excited too.  We had chosen not to find out the sex of the baby again, because its just more fun that way.  The boys were worked up and wild.  They could barely hold still as the ultrasound technician showed us our little baby.  After a time, she grew quiet, and the ultrasound took forever.  We didn't really notice since we were in the process of trying to keep two small boys quiet and calm.  When she finished she instructed us to go back to the waiting room and the doctor would call us back soon.  We did, but by this time the boys were sick of being still and quiet so Scott took them out of the office into the hallway to play.

I was called back to see the doctor alone.  Instead of taking me to an exam room I was taken to her personal office and she placed a box of tissues in my hands.  I was confused, I didn't know what was going on.  She said calmly and quietly that they thought there might be something wrong with the baby's heart.  I was stunned for a moment.  I just sat there looking at her.  She said that they weren't experts but there was definitely a problem.  The information began to process in my brain and the tears came.  She asked if I'd come to the appointment alone and when I said no she asked the nurse to go find Scott and the boys.  She sat silently with her hand on my shoulder and I sobbed while we waited for Scott to arrive.

When Scott walked in and saw what was going on, his smile immediately faded and he asked what was wrong.  I told him about the baby's heart.  He seemed stunned too.  He didn't say much, but he didn't cry.  The doctor told us that they'd set up an appointment with Maternal Fetal Medicine (the high risk doctors) department for later that afternoon, where they'd do a level 2 ultrasound to confirm a heart defect and then after that we'd be sent over to see a pediatric cardiologist who would perform a fetal echocardiogram to give us a diagnosis.

We walked out of the office in shock.  I couldn't talk, only cry.  Scott was still very quiet.  After we buckled the kids into their car seats, Scott wrapped me in a warm hug for several minutes while I wept into his shirt. We then drove over to his office to tell them that he wouldn't be back that day.  Scott went inside for a while and when he finally came out I could tell that he had been crying.  He told me that Russell (his brother and boss) wasn't there, so he'd called him to tell him what was happening and said that he and his wife, Collette were on their way over to pick up our boys so we could go to the rest of our appointments alone.

After the boys were in the loving care of Collette, we headed back to the doctors office to meet with the Maternal Fetal Medicine doctors.  I had finally gained some control over the crying, but its absence left a big headache.  The doctors did a very silent ultrasound (they instructed us not to ask questions until it was finished).  It took a long time, and before we could ask questions they decided to look over everything and discuss it together before telling us what they thought.  They left us alone in the room for a long time.  Scott and I both fell asleep (it had been an exhausting day).  They finally came back and told us there was no mistaking the heart defect, although they couldn't tell us specifically what it was.  We also met with a genetic counselor to try to figure out where this came from, which was inconclusive.

We met with the pediatric cardiologist, Dr Womack, a few hours later.  He was very nice and understanding, and we liked him right away (he was wearing a charlie brown tie and red converse shoes, and we could tell he was a fun guy).  He preformed the fetal echo which also took a very long time and when he was done he showed us what he suspected.  He told us that the left side of the heart was severely underdeveloped and that the aorta was either extremely small or pinched off all together.  The baby also had a condition called heterotaxy in which other organs where affected.  It was too early to tell but he suspected the baby had multiple spleens (known as polyspenia) (turns out he was wrong about this, the baby had no spleen, known as asplenia, which is still part of the heterotaxy).  He said that there was also a chance the baby would have Down Syndrome (which she did not).  He instructed us to NOT go home and search the internet, as it would only scare us.

After our marathon of appointments we headed to Russell's house to pick up the boys.  While there, Scott and Russell gave me a priesthood blessing, during which we all cried.  That night, we looked up all the symptoms on the internet (against Dr. Womack's orders) and found a condition called Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome.  Despite the doctor not giving us this specific diagnosis, I knew this was what the baby had, and he was right, it did scare me.  I was devastated.  I cried a lot for many weeks.  I turned off my phone and stopped talking to people for a while.  I don't know why.  I just didn't want to talk about it.  Looking back, I guess I should have handled it differently, but at the time, it seemed logical to just shut everyone out.

Our lives changed forever that day, but not for the worse like we thought.  We got our beautiful, tough little girl out of that horrible situation, and we wouldn't have it any other way.  Scott and I grew closer together as couple, and grew a closer relationship with our Heavenly Father as well.  Ivy has enriched our lives in so many ways that I know wouldn't have happened without this challenge.  We are so grateful for her and all that she's gone through, and that we still have the pleasure of her company in our lives.  I will never forget how I felt that day, but I am glad that I can look back more positively now.  Heavenly Father doesn't give us challenges that we can't handle, and though at the time, I felt like I couldn't handle it, I did and everything turned out okay.  Remembering our past challenges is helping me get through our upcoming challenges for the next several months, and I know that we will get through it all okay.

If you're still reading, thanks for sticking with this long post.  Have  a good day!

Some Random Stuff

First off....Great news!  Ivy's Fontan (the final heart surgery in the set of three) has been scheduled at last!!!  We are all set for July 11th.  We have mixed feelings about this date (which is ten weeks away).  We are happy to finally have a date so we can plan the rest of our summer, and we are Super Happy that this is her last (hopefully) heart surgery.  It will be so nice to put it behind us.  But we are also nervous for very obvious reasons.  Heart surgery is a big deal.  We were told to plan on a two week hospital stay (could be more, could be less), and have heard its a difficult surgery to recover from (although her chance a of full recovery is around 90%).  She is our princess, and it would be a horrible, horrible thing if anything went wrong.  So we are scared.  Those feelings don't go away.  Anyway, it does feel good to have the date.

In less important, more random news....I've been hard at work these last 2 months making dolls for my mother-in-law, Marde's, preschool class.  I am all set to finish tomorrow and send them off over the weekend so she has them in time for preschool graduation.  I am so excited about the way they all turned out.  Not to boast or anything, but they are adorable!  I do great work! Here is a glimpse into their adorableness!

We have been enjoying the warmer weather (on the days that its actually warmer, some days it resorts back to being cold).  Here is proof at how hard it is to get a picture of all 4 kids looking at the camera and smiling. 2 out of 4 looking at the camera, 1 out of 4 smiling.  Ugh.

 I'm obsessed with the tree in the background.  Its a crab apple tree in our front yard.  I love when it blossoms in those beautiful pink petals.  It lifts my spirits!  It is my favorite tree. We asked Corbin to take a picture of us in front of it.....This is the best one.  The top of Scott's head isn't THAT important!  Maybe next year Corbin will be taller and able to get a better picture.

 We continue to ride bikes, although it gets harder as my belly expands.  The kids LOVE it!

We bought Corbin a new bike at the DI because his old one was teeny!  Now he is too fast and we can't keep up with him.  I'm not exaggerating, its a real challenge!

 Over the weekend Scott was in the backyard setting up our canopy for some shade.  The wasps were out like crazy (because all the trees were blossoming), and one managed to go up his pant leg and sting him...twice.  I didn't think that was possible.  Anyway, he's healing like a champ. Somehow he managed to keep his composure not panic when it happened, because if you remember Corbin has a mortal fear of bees after being swarmed by some a couple of years ago.  He seriously goes inside and LOCKS the door when one comes by...like if he didn't lock it they could open the door and get him...he's crazy!

 Not great pictures, but you get the idea.

Anyway, that's all the random, pointless stuff that I have right now.  Have a pleasant thursday, and here's to hoping we get some good sunshine this weekend!

Its been a rough day..

Ivy is not doing well today.  She barely slept last. She is still VERY uncomfortable and tired, and really, really grumpy (which is understandable). She's spent a lot of the day just lying on the couch and there has been quite a bit of crying, but I think this is all normal.  On the bright side, I was allowed to remove her bandages this morning and all three sites look like they are healing well and she has minimal bruising.  She really is being so tough and brave and my heart just aches for her.  I wish I could take the pain away.

Adding to the roughness of today, I just found out that I have tonsillitis and an ear infection AGAIN!!  I'll spare you pictures this time!  Its gross. I can't believe this is happening again.  I called my ob's office and they wanted to see me immediately, so I went in this afternoon.  They are quite concerned by the size of my tonsils and the frequency of them getting infected so they referred me to an Ear, Nose, and Throat Specialist.  I have an appointment on the 18th.  They want to discuss whether its necessary to have a tonsillectomy now, or wait until after I have the baby.... either way, it will happen.  I guess we will just have to wait and see when.  I got a prescription for some antibiotics, so hopefully I can get rid of it before I start going deaf this time, and before I infect anyone else in the family.

Here's to hoping Ivy is feeling better tomorrow.  Crossing my fingers.

She Needs a Pink Star on Her Forehead

So Ivy had her Cath today.  We had to get up at 5:45 am to get to the hospital on time, which is SUPER early for us, but she was such a trooper.  She was very cooperative throughout day, and did great.  They put two catheteters through 2 veins in her groin area, and another one through a vein in her neck.  But she tolerated everything like a champ, and Dr Womack was able to get everything done that he needed to.  It was an awesome day...A LONG DAY...but an awesome day.  I'm so proud of my little superstar.  Here are some pictures from the day.

Playing before Dr. W arrived.

 The cath stuff took about 4 hours..We finally got to see Ivy at about 2 pm.  Believe it or not, this is literally minutes after we walked in the room.  She was sitting up, happy, and wanting to play with the ipad.

 Then she got snuggly with daddy before he had to go pick up our other 3 children.

 Riding in the wagon away from the recovery room to a regular room.

 And the most exciting moment of the day for Ivy...Chicken nuggets...She was STARVING and could not stop talking about those nuggets!

We finally made it home at about 6:30pm.  By then Ivy was quite grumpy and tired and fell asleep within seconds of laying her in bed.  What a sweetheart.  I love this girl!  Thanks to everyone who remembered us in their prayers.  Every prayer counts!

Cath tomorrow morning

My sweet little girl is going to the hospital tomorrow to undergo a heart catheterization.  We are a little nervous, but ready!  She is excited to get to eat jello for breakfast in the morning before heading in!  Anyway, I just wanted to ask everyone to keep her in your prayers tomorrow. Thanks!

Ivy's MRI and Echocardiogram

So our little Ivy is getting ready for Summer surgery by having some post-op procedures.  Today she had a sedated MRI and Echocardiogram to check out her heart in good detail.  It basically took the entire day to get them both done and for her anesthesia to wear off, but everything went super good, and she's already back to her normal, adorable, charming self.  Here are some pictures we took throughout the day.

Matching armbands.  She was very excited about our "bracelets".

 Her new little teddy bear (the hospital always has a blanket or toy to give her). She named her "baby" or "pink"...maybe both.  I don't know.

 Dancing around in the waiting room.

 Playing with daddy

 So pretty in her "dress".

 again...

 Entertaining herself with a zillion stickers.

 Still....it seriously kept her happy for a good half an hour.

 testing out her newly decorated gas mask thingy.

 In recovery several hours later.

 The anesthesia caused a little upset stomach and we dealt with some throwing up, but she quickly recovered and is already doing totally great.   We were hoping she wouldn't have to have a catheterization this time, but unfortunately she does.  That'll happen sometime in April.  Otherwise things are all going according to plan.  Yay!

 Oh yes, and here are Dexter's and Ellie's snowmen (and Ellie).  They had a lot of fun while we were stuck at the hospital all day!  A special thanks to Auntie Collette for babysitting Dex and Echo, and also a thanks to Kammi Nelson in my ward for picking Corbin up from school and watching him for a few hours.  We couldn't have done it without you awesome people!

Ivy has a dream

The other day after Ivy woke up from her nap I asked her if she had had a dream. Here is the resulting story. She is seriously so adorable!

Here is Ivy's dream